Sorry (not sorry?) I brought my kid to the pub
Pubs are increasingly courting parents and their kids, but not everyone is happy
Every so often on the UK subreddit, a question comes up from someone who is shocked, and I mean shocked, to have been into a pub and seen a kid in it. The responses to their anger come thick and fast and split into several different groups:
The outraged
“Don’t they serve alcohol there? It’s no place for children. Parents like that should be locked up. It’s the kids I feel sorry for. If their parents wanted to go to the pub, then they shouldn’t have had children.”
The old-timers
“Ah, I remember when my dad used to go to the pub and sit me outside with a packet of crisps. Hours I’d spend sat on that doorstop. Best days of my life. Kids these days don't know they’re born. That Farage chap says some sensible things doesn’t he?”
The nonplussed
“Some pubs are family-friendly. It’s a pretty normal thing to do. Haven’t they got a kid’s menu for a reason? As long as the kids are well-behaved and the parents aren’t hammered, what’s the problem?”
The thing is, like everything in the whole wide world that the internet tries to break down into a binary issue, this is a topic complicated by lots of stuff. For starters, not all pubs are created equal. There is a world of difference between a dive bar in Soho (do these still exist? RIP) and a suburban pub with a climbing frame in the beer garden. I know which one I’d like to go to, but I also know which one I should take my kid to.
I love the pub. It’s one of my favourite things about British culture. Pubs are a communal space without the formal structure of a cafe or restaurant, a place to pass the time without being beholden to schedules. Find the right one and they can be somewhere you can wait if you’re at a loose end and a welcoming space you can head to if you live in a shared house to get some time away. It’s not about the booze (although, let’s be real, we have a real and pressing alcohol issue in this country which I appreciate makes my ode to the pub seem flippant and perhaps a tad irresponsible) but for me: I’m an extrovert who works remotely Monday to Friday, I see no-one during the week except for my trips to the Co-op and nursery pickup. Surrounding myself with people at the pub on a Friday afternoon is like sliding into a warm bath. I get high off the people laughing, chatting and connecting around me. It feels safe and it feels familiar.
I’m super lucky to live in an area that’s got kids coming out of its ears and, as a result, the pubs have adapted. They offer drag storytelling (many thanks to the endlessly excellent community that defended this), craft tables for kids, toys, playgrounds, colouring books, kid’s parties…. so yeah, I’m gonna take my kid to these pubs and let them have fun while I have fun. Post 7pm, the pub returns to a childfree zone but during the day, can’t we all share the space? The more of us that buy those £7 pints after all, the more likely the troubled pub industry will survive.
Just because I think kids should be allowed in pubs that expect them though, doesn’t mean the parenting stops. I recently worked with a woman who part-timed in a pub and she had plenty to say about parents not cleaning up after their kids and I gotta say, as someone who has worked in pubs and restaurants in the past, I’ve been a little surprised by some of my parent friends’ attitudes in this area: “It’s not your job,” said one of them as I crawled on my hands and knees to retrieve some soggy veggie straws from underneath the table before we left. And yeah, I appreciate that, but also, it isn’t totally fair to expect the 20-something person being paid less than they should who hasn’t even considered having kids to pick up my kid’s mess. They’ve got punters to serve and tables to manage so, if I want to bring my kids to the pub, I’m going to try and respect the fact that not everyone wants them there.
That being said, I’d love if people remembered that kids are, after all, just tiny humans. To the man that growled, “This used to be a pub,” at 2pm on a Saturday afternoon whilst my kid and her pal drank their pineapple juice: you used to be one! Times have changed and the humanification of parents (read: women) has happened, and we’re allowed to have a normal life too. If I’m at the pub, it means I’ve already been to three soft plays or playgrounds that day and dear God I need an environment that doesn’t come in primary colours.
So hey, here’s my plea: parents, please take your kids to appropriate pubs at appropriate times and pubgoers of said pubs, give my kid a little leeway when they are in your vicinity. I appreciate they’re just learning impulse control but I promise you they’re no worse than the beer-soaked lads you’re going to experience later on in the night. Sometimes, especially for us parents living in the confines of a small flat, it’s just nice to get out and feel normal. And though it might not look like it while I wrestle my kid to the ground to stop them drawing on the bar, I really do appreciate your understanding while we work through this beautiful but occasionally trying period of life that we’re in.
So, yes. Up the pub. As long as it’s the right kind of pub for kids. For those of us living in a city especially, pubs are likely the biggest spaces we’re going get to hang out in. There’s definitely room for all of us.
PS: go Labour
PPS: It’s coming home