Lazy Acts Of Self Care That Might Actually Make You Feel Better
Looking after yourself sounds great, but why does it feel like so much effort?
Self care! ‘What a lovely idea,’ I would think to myself as I wiped my baby’s bottom for the third time that morning, before changing both his clothes and mine after an impromptu vomit (his, not mine). But when am I supposed to find time do it? And how?
Along with ‘being kind to yourself,’ the concept of ‘self care’ has become a commonplace (if a little anodyne) suggestion for anyone who might mention that they are suffering with any sort of mood-related issue. So often is it peddled out in real life and in the articles we read — in reference to a whole multitude of seemingly unrelated activities — that it’s become a pretty nebulous concept. Because of this, in my case at least, when someone tells me to “do some self care,” I am left at a little bit of a loss as to what this means.
My confusion is compounded by the fact that I am a fairly heavily pregnant mum of a toddler, whose idea of a relaxing time is running in circles round a very cold park or colouring the walls of our freshly painted house with his new pink crayon.
As a parent, with so much of your focus (both as an individual and, if you’re partnered, with your co-parent) rightly taken up with your child’s wellbeing, thinking about your own needs often comes in second — and sometimes even third, fourth or fifth — place. Living in this state can sometimes lead to an overwhelming sense of depletion, which is when calls to look after yourself from well-meaning people around you often reach their highest volume.
But what does that really mean to a frazzled mum who is trying to squeeze their own needs into the ten-minute gap between finishing cleaning the kitchen and their toddler waking up from a nap? According to Emma Benyon, a self care and motherhood coach, the key is simplicity; finding small ways to reconnect with yourself in between your responsibilities. “What self care should be is something that ultimately brings you joy and is going to fill up that ‘energy fuel tank’ without adding anything to what you’re already doing,” says Benyon. “We're not talking about tasks that require longer stretches of time — although by all means if, as a mum, you have that time, use it and use it for yourself,” she continues. Self care for mums, Benyon explains, has to work in a way that fits into your life right now — which is obviously going to change over the course of a week, a month, a year or two years, because the tectonic plates of motherhood are always shifting. “There's different seasons of motherhood as our children grow and our lives change,” she says. “Ultimately, it’s about keeping it simple and keeping it to what we need right now, in those really small micro-moments that present themselves every now and then.”
OK, so we know self care is important, and we know we should do it, but coming up with ideas of things to do to ‘nourish yourself’ just feels like another item on the never-ending To Do list of adult life. Alexa, how do I take care of myself but without making too much effort or spending loads of money?
Don’t fret, we’ve got you covered with some suggestions below.
Listen to a podcast or audio book while playing with your kids
Physically you’re present, but your brain is getting a little stimulation, too. Perfect. Just maybe don’t use it as a time to rediscover your love of the Fifty Shades trilogy.
Splash your face with cold water
It just works, trust me.
Take 5 deep breaths when putting the kettle on
I remember a therapist once telling me to put a post-it by the kettle to remind me to do this. It worked for at least a week, which I consider a success.
Put on your favourite song(s)
There is a playlist on my phone that never fails to lift my spirits. I just hope your toddler isn’t going through the same phase as mine is, where he says “Off! Off music Mummy! Nooooo” any time I try to listen to my own songs. Anyone for another rendition of Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes?
Put TV on for kids and close your eyes
Better yet, put on TV you actually want to watch in the background with the volume down and subtitles as they play. How else could you possibly keep up with MAFSA’s relentless content schedule?
Call a friend or family member and put them on speaker
I quite often do this if I’m losing the will, just to inject a bit of outside energy into the room. My son also loves it if I whack on video so he can look at himself at the same time and say his name over and over again.
Send a voicenote (even if it’s just to yourself)
Sometimes if I’m really feeling stressed or anxious, I send myself a voicenote offloading everything in my head. I rarely ever listen to them back, but knowing that whatever was flying around my mind has been given a safe space to rest puts me at ease.
Do your makeup
A small thing that can make a huge difference to the way you feel in yourself. Catching yourself in the mirror and thinking ‘hey that’s not so bad,’ is a really good little mood lifter. Just remember to keep your nice makeup away from sticky little hands.
Learn to say ‘no’
Don’t want to do something? Don’t do it! It’s hard at first but I promise saying ‘no’ gets so much easier the more you practise and it is so very liberating.
Have a shower
There’s something very powerful about the act of cleaning yourself when you spend so much time cleaning others. Use some nice-smelling soap. If you can handle it, blast yourself with cold water at the end. Really works for me.
Do a Vinted scroll. FOR YOU.
All your saved searches are probably ‘Zara trousers age 4’ and ‘Mini Rodini sweatshirt that isn’t £30’. When was the last time you looked for ‘lovely Arket top for lady who never treats herself’?
Have a poo like a man!
What do they do in there for 45 mins? We’ll never know. Either way they spend that time in the toilet without shame. Take notes and copy.
Get a takeaway on a Monday night or whichever is your “FFS I don’t want to cook” night
Plan in advance so you’ve got the budget but quite frankly no one wants to do cooking on a Monday, so if that ends up being your takeaway day then so be it.
Get a manicure or paint your nails in a bright colour
It’s basic as hell but you use your hands so much. If you catch sight of the self care act you have treated yourself to every time you do a chore then maybe your subconscious will finally accept the notion that you should be rewarded for your work?!
Switch off your phone
That little brick of metal and plastic does not need you 24/7.
Open a window and maybe look out of it
Fresh air really does work wonders for the nervous system.
Scream into a pillow
Sounds borderline concerning, but my BFF told me to do it once and it was the balm to my soul I never knew I needed.